Flip the Coin [BL]-Chapter 420. On and On (by Mother Mother)

My brain dazed, my thoughts still in disarray, I tried my best not to lose consciousness.

Henry covered his mouth, looking away nervously, then glanced back at me.

"Do you know what you just—"

The doctor entered the room, and Henry shut his mouth. He glared at the newcomer when he came to my side before turning back to normal, asking medical questions that I couldn’t grasp.

I was given a few pills and a bottle of water.

"Is that... not... for the fever?" I wanted to stay in this drunken state that hushed my thoughts for as long as possible.

"It’s not; don’t worry." Henry encouraged me to take them after receiving a lengthy explanation of what pill did what exactly.

He helped pull me up, holding me in a strange distanced hug so I could take the pills.

I swallowed them, looking at Henry’s shoulder.

"Can you... check him?" I addressed the doctor.

Only then did I notice Ren and Kitty in the corner of the room, the kid hugging the tiger while staring at me.

"And the kid?" I finished, not able to look at him any longer, as the self-hatred was killing me.

Kitty suddenly turned to look at me until I spoke again.

"...and the tiger?"

That was it for me regarding exhausting thoughts, and I would have fallen back on the bed if Henry hadn’t held onto me.

He slowly positioned me down, took the water bottle that had nearly slipped out of my hand, and said something.

But my field of view had shrunk down, and as if my body had put a stop on everything, my ears felt clogged.

There was only a silent murmur that I couldn’t make out, and then the light in the room was on.

It was the one on the ceiling, staring down at me like a sun, like light that was held in one’s face during a police interrogation, a light that would come from an old-fashioned pension ceiling.

People talked; the doctor went to the corner of the room where the kid was, probably taking a look, but in my limited view there was only the light staring down at me, exposing my ugly self.

Ethan was there, then away; more murmurs, a prick on the back of my left hand; everything moved fast and in slow motion at the same time while I stared up.

My emotions and my memory had been glazed over, trying to help me and relieve me, yet I still felt like crap in the seconds I came to and suddenly remembered why I was lying here with a fever.

Just like I had predicted, a cycle of remembering and glazing had formed until I closed my eyes, still seeing the ceiling light even after I had my eyes closed.

So fucking much happened, so fucking much was continuously happening, I don’t care anymore.

I don’t care anymore if I get my good name back.

I don’t give a fuck about the apocalypse.

I don’t care anymore.

Everyone outside this house can go fuck themselves.

I can go fuck myself as well.

Fuck this whole shit.

****

I stand on a grassy field, not the one where the fight took place, as this one is on a hill.

The wind rips against my clothes, and I look at whatever city there is at the foot of the hill.

It is a sunny day, yet the wind is so strong that it gives the impression one could fly if they just made a jump.

I look around, asking myself if the Maestro got me, and feel confirmed when I see the big circus tent by my side.

Haaaah...what the fuck is it this time?

"Here you are! Don’t run around; do you want to get kidnapped?!" My hand is grasped, and I look up at my mom.

She drags me back to the circus tent.

"I know you can’t stand still for even one second, but it’s really not respectful to sneak out during a show!"

I argue back.

"YOU SNEAKED OUT TOO!!"

"Only to come and find you!" She hisses, trying not to break into a chuckle at my retort.

She lifts me up to carry me back inside, and I grab onto a strand of her hair, holding it tightly in my small hand.

"Try me." She whispers dead serious, and I let go with a sulk.

We enter the circus tent, the big entrance with the ground covered by trampled hay, and when I turn around in her arms, I see the thin guy and skinny girl on the stage, swinging on rings hanging from the ceiling.

My mother looks around the big dark tent, without stepping out from the big hay-covered path.

"Where were the damn seats again?" She whispers, and I take a deep breath to loudly remind her that she just said a swear word.

Yet, she is faster and covers my mouth, stunning me into silence and letting me forget what I just wanted to do.

"We’ll just stay here until there is a break...there should soon be a break..." She sighs.

"God, this has been going on for so long—there HAS to be a break."

"Anyway." She suddenly whispers directly into my ear.

"Sneak away again and see what I’ll do with you."

I am suddenly angry and jerk away from her hold, but she tightens her arms around me and voices her disapproval.

"Nope. You will stay right here."

"Look at the stage; do you see what they can do?"

I follow her finger and forget what I was just angry about.

"They train their whole lives, on and on, just for this moment."

I tilt my head and continue to watch.

As they swing, catching onto each other before letting go again, falling—no, landing on a high platform in the middle.

Twisting their bodies, grabbing ropes that hadn’t been there just now.

"On and on—through constant trying and failing, they learn, and at one point, their body remembers what to do better than they themselves."

"Got it, baby? Firstly, it’s so disrespectful to find this show boring and sneak away when your mother takes you with her to get some food." She lets go of my mouth, and I look into her bright brown eyes and the partly smeared eyeliner on one of her lids.

"Secondly. If you fail at something later, know that, if not your head—" She taps her own temple.

"At least your body will remember." She places her finger on my heart.

"You will get better, no matter what. Got it?"

My mind cannot fully grasp what she is telling me as I accurately reach into her eye in an attempt to wipe away the smudge.

She curses a lot more after that.

********

The next time I woke up, just lying there with my eyes closed, I could hear again.

My body was still hot, sweating, and cold at the same time, but I didn’t care, as I felt so much lighter, better, and assured.

Also, because I surprisingly did hear the pages turn, the paper rustling

Unsure if that was a dream or reality, I prolonged it, not really caring either way.

But the more I heard, the more I knew where this paper rustling came from.

Opening my eyes, I didn’t need to turn my head to find Henry, as his face was on top of my chest, his body lying on his stomach sideways all over the mattress.

There were blankets under him, and he had changed his clothes.

I pulled his shirt away to take a look at his shoulder.

The wound was completely gone, as if I had never attacked him in the first place.

However, a suspicious rustling came from under him as he slightly moved in his sleep.

Not as if he was having a nightmare, but just like a restless dog, shaking his leg because he dreamed of running through nature.

I glanced at the top of the closet and found something specific missing.

Then I sneaked my right hand under him, and yep, there it was.

He had taken the drawings back again and put them back under his shirt to... I don’t know, warm them up?

What the fuck is wrong with him and this hatching behavior?

I suppressed my grin, noting that I had apparently been on an IV drip that was now removed; the IV holder was still there, though.

In the corner, I spotted the tiger and kid, both nestled on top of more blankets and pillows.

It was night; both seemed to have groomed themselves and showered and were asleep.

The kid snapped his eyes open, as if he had felt my gaze.

He rubbed his eyes sleepily but didn’t move otherwise.

"Come here." I motioned him over, and he instantly jumped up, speedily walking to me.

I patted the edge of the mattress, and the kid took a seat.

"Are you alright?" I asked, taking his small hand.

He nodded.

"I am so sorry." I apologized, and he gave back a small smile.

Yeah, this wasn’t something an apology would help with.

"You really kicked my ass back in that place." I chuckled and let go of him to close my hand, placing it sideways on the mattress so that he wouldn’t get scared thinking that I wanted to beat him or something.

"Good job."

I thought he wouldn’t know this gesture, but as if he had already seen it a bunch of times, he made a fist himself, bumping it into mine; his small smile turned into a bright grin.