Etsusa Bridge-Volume 2, Mew Mew! -Crazy Cat’s Night

<Heehahahaha! Welcome to this happy damned dump of an island!

It’s been a while! Or is it nice to meet you?

Today, we’re airing a cat-and-mouse documentary!

A little game of tag between children who were abandoned into rathood and a girl who made herself into the island’s cat!

Although the rats are never ‘it’, they’re still nibblin’ away at the hearts of the high-and-mighty humans!

Will the cat manage to protect her master, the island itself? Heehahahahaha!>

***

The Eastern District’s Guard Team

—the words of Spring-heeled Joplin, the Observer

Welcome! Welcome, friends! Welcome to this subtly off, tarnished, beautiful, and truly endlessly lovable world!

Would this be your first time on the island?

Then the first thing you all must do is secure your own safety!

I am Joplin, the Observer. Not to brag, but as the Observer who has seen countless ways to survive on this island, I thought I should give you some pointers.

Newcomers like you might as well ask an organization for protection. What, you don’t think there’s groups like that around? Fine, fine. Here’s some proof.

Check out this video! It’s from a camera hidden on the Eastern District boss’s collar. 𝒇𝙧𝚎𝐞𝙬𝒆𝑏𝑛𝑜v𝚎𝒍.c𝑜m

Black suit: I told ya not to make Jun cry, Boss!

Girl with bangs: *sniff* I-it’s okay, Mr. Zhang…

Black suit: How the hell could you write ‘肉’ on her precious wanted poster of Inui?!

???: Sorry, I was feeling a bit jealous. Better than writing ‘骨’(1), though.

Black suit: What are you, eight?

What do you think? Talk about cozy and domestic! They typically do bodyguard work for bigwigs, but they’re cool enough people to protect folks like you if you’ve got the cash.

What, you don’t trust ‘em? You don’t get how a buncha punks like them can protect people on this island? Wrong! Too bad. Circle. Shooting blanks. In onomatopoeia,bzzt. Sucks for you. Fuck off. Hah! Just kidding. I was just messing with you. Sorry.

I told you, this island’s off. Trying to judge everything by your standards? That’s no good. No good at all.

I mean, I bet the guy in black’s the only one you thought was worth the money.

I bet you thought he’s the leader.

Ahahahahahahahaha!

Wrong. You’re still chained by your own standards.

All right, all right. I’ll tell you.

About the ‘guard cat’ that lives on this island.

The story of an adorable, soft, and slightly misbehaved li’l kitten with claws that shred everything they touch.

That’s right. It was just about when a casino opened up in the Eastern District…

-----

Rats

—the words of Yakumo Amagiri, the Killer Ghoul

-----

Sorry. I’m actually the Killer Ghoul.

So I think I’m going to kill you.

I don’t know why you were sniffing around like that, but to be honest… it bothered me. The way you were mousing around me.

Although if you were a rodent like Nejiro, I might have spared you.

Hm? You’ve never heard of him? I see. You’re new to this island, aren’t you.

Nejiro is king over the rats on this island.

They’re such tiny little rats. Those children, you know, are everywhere.

It’s a little different from being able to go anywhere. Me and people like Yua can get anywhere, but those rats are different.

Those rats, you see, are everywhere. That’s the important part. I’m emphasizing theeverywhere because it’s most important.

They spread into every corner of the city to nibble away at people and even the island itself. They’re some of the more annoying things around here. Although they’re no problem for me.

Their eyes look completely empty, but at the same time they’re like mirrors. They reflect their leader Nejiro’s eyes. Sad and lonely, but unable to see that that’s what they look like themselves.

I can’t say I know what they’re thinking. Just like you don’t understand a Killer Ghoul like me, I don’t understand rats.

But it’s strange. They look like rodents to me, so I never get the urge to kill them.

I’m a killer, not a butcher.

All right. I’ll tell you.

The legend behind the poor, sweet rats that nest on this island.

You should pray that I change my mind while I talk. That I change my mind about killing you.

That’s right. It was just about when a casino opened up in the Eastern District…

-----

The Rulers

—the words of Takeshishi Kanjurō of the ramen shop

So what’re you snooping around for?

I mean, I don’t care s’long as you pay for the ramen. But lemme at least talk to myself or something. It’s for your benefit.

The folks on this island are basically trash beyond help. Including me.

Just like Uenoshima by Tokyo used to be a dump. This is an island of human trash.

The trash just ended up drawing more trash, and eventually they split into district like East and West and caused a ruckus.

We used to have a North and South not too long ago, but all the groups just chomped away at each other until we just had the mountains East and West left standing.

What? You wanna know who’s at the top of those mountains? You’re outta your mind. Why’re you replying to something I’m saying to myself?

All right. Lemme keep talkin’ to myself.

The boss in the Western District’s some guy named ‘Ei’. But the real movers and shakers are the executives. We don’t even know if this Ei guy’s on the island or not.

I know about one of the execs—this woman named Yili, who’s essentially the head honcho over West. She’s a shrewd one, that. If you stumble around like someone who got caught by Yakumo, you’d end up with a new pair of cement shoes. Unlike Yakumo, she doesn’t let her whims tell her what to do.

The boss over East acts like he knows exactly what you’re thinking. He’s even worse than Yili. He’d know what a cockroach or a rat is thinking if it lived on this island. ‘Cause he’s basically a house-sized rat himself. A freak, if I ever saw one.

They’re the trashiest of trash there is. King and Queen Trash. They meet more ‘trash’ prerequisites than anyone else. Which means they’re the most human people on the island.

You already know that people are made up of 90% trash.

Let me just tell you the whole thing while I’m at it. About the two top idiots who sold all their their souls and lives and pasts to the island.

That’s right. It was just about when a casino opened up in the Eastern District…

-----

Note:

(1) A parody of the extremely popular manga ‘Kinnikuman’, where the main character has the character ‘肉’(‘meat’, but referring to muscle) on his forehead. ‘骨’ is the character for ‘bone’.

-----