Dancing on the golden ashes-Chapter 198: The One Who Destroys the World?

My heart skipped a beat the moment I saw what was written: [The One Who Destroys the World!] Just what kind of destiny was this, and why me?

"Hell no, I ain’t destroying anything. To hell with your destinies and all that crap," I muttered under my breath. "I, Lee Gaon, follow my own path, and I will not let some system message control me, like you did the goddess of fire."

I glared at the sky, my fists clenched in anger. I could feel it—the one who imposed all of this on me, watching from above. Don’t ask me how I knew, I just did. It was like a sixth sense, an intuition I couldn’t explain. He was there, always there, looking down at me, controlling me. Every single day, I was just a toy, a tool for his amusement.

And it made me sick.

If I had the power, I would tear through the fabric of space and time itself and find his real body. And when I did, I would make him suffer, just like he made me suffer. The thought of it twisted inside me like a burning rage, fueling my determination to break free from this curse, this system, this fate.

I couldn’t imagine myself becoming someone so vile, so evil, that I would unleash my wrath on the entire planet. Perhaps my fate was destined to mirror that of the goddess of fire, who had purged her world with her own flames, controlled by a mysterious force she couldn’t refuse. But me? I knew I was stronger than that. I wasn’t some puppet to be used and discarded.

I turned my gaze toward the horizon. The sun shone brightly in the sky, casting a golden glow over the ashes and the remnants of my battle. The air smelled of destruction—burnt earth and the remnants of everything that had been. The golden grass that once covered the landscape now lay trampled and torn, unrecognizable. I could feel the power surging through me, and yes, right now, I had the power to obliterate everything in my path. But even after all the death and suffering I’d seen, after the loss of my friends, I still couldn’t bring myself to go that far.

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Why the hell would I need to destroy everything? Why would I turn my back on everything I once cared for?

I tried not to think too much about it, but in that moment, a new fear settled deep inside my chest. A fear of losing myself—of becoming something monstrous, something beyond saving—and destroying everything I still loved.

The realization hit me like a punch to the gut. The woman I saw in my visions, the one destroying everything, it wasn’t just some otherworldly figure—it was me.

How could I not have seen it before? It all clicked, all the pieces of this twisted puzzle. The destruction, the chaos, the broken world... It wasn’t some separate fate that I could escape from. It was mine. My fate was to destroy everything I had fought so hard to protect.

And yet... I wasn’t that woman. I couldn’t be. But what if I am? The thought clawed at me, twisting in my chest. Was I doomed to become that very monster? The very thing I swore I’d never become?

"Why is this world messing with me? Why does fate keep toying with my emotions?!" I screamed, my voice raw, my throat burning with the weight of the words. I didn’t even care that I was screaming into the void. How much longer do I have to suffer for your amusement? I thought, my mind spinning. "Enough! You’re getting what you wanted, okay? Why can’t you just let me be?!"

It was so empty, so hollow—my mind, my heart, this endless cycle of destruction. I knew he was watching. I could feel it, the presence of that twisted power that had manipulated me from the very start. He was there, laughing, at me, at my pain, at how little control I had. How broken I had become. I knew that laugh. I had heard it before in my darkest moments.

"Ha! So funny, right? Fuck you!" I screamed to the empty sky, my voice cracking with anger, with despair. My hands shook, my heart burned. I had no one to fight for anymore, no one to protect. No one left to save. But still... I’ll fight. I’ll fight for them... for me...

My wings crackled with lightning, the energy rushing through my veins as I took flight, the storm within me swirling. The power surged through me like a drug, but it wasn’t enough to numb the pain. I wasn’t running anymore, I was just moving. I didn’t care where I went or where I ended up. All I wanted was the emptiness to stop, for the pressure to ease, for the pain to let go.

But I couldn’t escape. I couldn’t escape myself. Every direction I turned, I saw the remnants of the past, of all I had lost. But no matter how deep the ache in my chest, no matter how much I wanted to run away from everything, there was one thing I knew. I couldn’t destroy this world. I won’t.

I swear to myself. I won’t become that monster.

And yet... what if I already am?

The weight of the silence around me was suffocating. I hovered above the small village, staring down at the peaceful lives unfolding beneath me. The contrast was unbearable. How could they live so happily when I was torn apart by guilt and confusion? The jealousy that had been buried deep inside me for so long began to stir, like a dormant beast waking from its slumber. It was sickening. I felt a strange pull in my chest, something dark, something that whispered, You could crush their happiness. You could tear it all down with one swipe. It’s all in your hands.

But even as I felt the power surging through me, the temptation gnawing at my soul, I hesitated. Why? I could feel the cold laughter of my own voice ringing in my ears—you’re a demon, Gaon. Your true nature is to destroy, to ravage. Embrace it. But I couldn’t. The more I thought about it, the more I questioned myself. I had the strength, yes. But... What would it accomplish? What would it do to me if I destroyed something so... pure? Was I truly a demon, like the system wanted me to believe? Or was there something still left of the woman who cared, the woman who fought for others?

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The thought of my friends being gone haunted me. Their faces, their laughter, their love... it all felt like a distant dream, a dream I’d never wake from. I was alone now. But wasn’t I always alone? Hadn’t I always been? I was never fully accepted by them, was I? I was always the outcast, the one who didn’t belong. Maybe it was fitting that they were gone. I wasn’t worth saving, and now... I wasn’t sure I even cared to be saved anymore.

My wings folded slightly as I lingered in the air, the cold wind brushing against my face, but it did nothing to cool the boiling rage within. I wanted to hurt. I wanted to destroy. I wanted to feel something other than this suffocating emptiness. But the village below—so peaceful, so untouched—was a stark reminder of the last part of me that still cared. The humanity I fought so hard to hold on to was being slowly crushed beneath the weight of my own doubts and pain.

And then, just like that, the voice, the voice that had been silent for so long, broke through the chaos in my mind. Its words were sharp, unfeeling, cutting through the haze like a knife.

"I’m sick of hearing you cry all day, can you just shut up for a moment and hold yourself together, honestly... you’re so pathetic Gaon, you should just die if you will continue being such a loser."

It was the eerie voice, the one that had guided me when I had no one else. But even now, it felt cold, detached, like a distant memory I had no connection to. I didn’t even flinch. I was beyond flinching.

You’re back...

The words barely left my thoughts, and yet they felt so heavy. I didn’t know why I expected anything else, why I thought it would have any different effect. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore, not really. The eerie voice had a point. I was pathetic. I was weak. I was alone. I had nothing left to lose.

Yet, the oddest thing happened. Despite the venom in the voice’s words, a part of me felt... relief. At least someone was still there, even if it was just a mocking voice in my head. The silence was worse. I didn’t have to like what it said, but it was there, and that was more than I had in ages.