(BL) Mafia Love; He who falls the hardest loses-Chapter 168: Humiliate

Hiroshi’s finding out about the engagement would mean an end to their relationship. Even if he has to end this engagement, he would still have to get married sometime.

If he still valued Hiroshi, he would want the man in life and if Hiroshi chose to leave, there was nothing he could do about it. He felt his hands tremble. His chest felt tight as it felt as though his heart was gripped tightly in a hand as the sharp claws dug through its flesh.

He leaned against the counter pressing his trembling hand against his chest. He could not understand what the pain was and why he was feeling it. He thought of going to the hospital but he thought of seeing Hiroshi and thought against it.

He met the gaze of the man in the mirror. His skin was pale, he looked tired as though he could get some sleep but the fatigue went beyond that.

The pain was gone in a flash and he showered off the residue of the day.

He went to the gym. He spent more time on the treadmill than he has in a long time. He had a strong feeling he might not be able to sleep so he made sure to exhaust every strength he had.

His legs felt heavy as though they weren’t his as he walked back to his room but after showering once again, he couldn’t fall asleep.

He filled the bathtub with hot water and soaked in it for almost an hour. He dressed up and the man in the mirror looked tired as though he could barely move but his eyes remained open even after he stayed covered in the warm blankets for more than two hours.

He could not help but miss Hiroshi. There was something about the man that made him forget his periodic insomnia but after watching his engagement announcement on the news while running the treadmill, it was as though Hiroshi’s presence was completely gone from him.

Even when they weren’t together, there was something about the assurance that he knew the man was his and would always return to his side that kept the effect even when he was so stressed with work and Aiichiro’s attacks.

***

"Haruki!"

Haruki recognised the voice very easily. Hiroshi had been stopping by his house but he never came to find him at the company.

He paused and turned to Hiroshi who hurried towards him but was stopped by the guards. He could easily guess that Hiroshi would not give in since he took the first step to find him at work.

To think that Hiroshi might continue to stop him every morning, made him feel stressed. Last night, he could not get any sleep and his head felt heavy as though he was hungover but he barely drank enough to get him drunk.

He waved the guards off noticing the dark cycles around Hiroshi. Perhaps both of them needed to talk. Haruki felt hesitant but he invited Hiroshi over.

They were silent as they walked into the building and entered the elevator. Satomi watched them walk into their office and everything just made Haruki even more stressed.

Most recognised Hiroshi as his doctor but Satomi was among those few in the company who knew their relationship went beyond that of a doctor and patient.

He sat down and held back the urge he felt to massage his brow to ease the pain he felt. "Why did you come? What do you want?"

"You got engaged," Hiroshi stated as though Haruki didn’t know he was engaged.

"Yes, you must know who it is. Did you see the ring on her finger?" Haruki asked. He had noticed it earlier. He was not sure if it was Kiyoshi who prepared it or if Satomi did after all, since she was helping him out.

Hiroshi winced at those words and turned away. He took a deep breath as silence filled the room before turning to look at Haruki. "Why?" he asked his voice a bit shaky even with his attempt to remain calm.

"Because I am old enough to start a family," Haruki replied irritated as though the question was dumb.

"I know but you and I . . . I thought we were together," Hiroshi said hopefully as he met Haruki’s gaze.

"Together? How?"

Hiroshi’s eyes widened at those questions, he pressed his lips together and looked down. It was easy to see how difficult it was for him to answer the question.

"I thought you loved me. I thought you loved me enough to want to spend your life with me. I thought we loved each other."

"Your delusions," Haruki responded firmly. "I never told you I loved you, how did you get that idea?" He felt his hands shake on the side as he met Hiroshi’s gaze calmly. That pain he felt in his bathroom the day before was back and he could only hold back from gripping his chest.

"You don’t mean it."

"I am getting engaged to a very good marriage candidate. She comes from a good family and I will have both political and financial support if I get married to her. As the family’s doctor, I’ll be sure to have an invitation sent."

Hiroshi still looked as though he could not believe anything Haruki had said. He looked down unwilling to meet Haruki’s gaze.

"However, we still have a chance," Haruki said after Hiroshi remained silent for a few seconds of silence.

Hiroshi raised his head and his brown eyes looked into Haruki’s hope rushing out like a flood, a broken dam.

"I have heard some people keep male mistresses. How about we continue our relationship when I succeed in destroying Aiichiro?"

A mistress? Haruki had thought of it and justified it in the past but as the words escaped his lips, he felt nauseous at the idea. Would he share a home with Satomi and visit Hiroshi as his male mistress?

The idea of being with Satomi was the most repulsive. He could not bring himself to imagine touching her, sharing a bed with her, a home with her, having kids with and occasionally going to see Hiroshi?

It felt so disgusting after he said but he could not bring himself to take it back as he saw the pain in Hiroshi’s eyes. He could not imagine being with Satomi, he was not sure what the future held for him if cuts Hiroshi off.

Imagining a future with Satomi was torture. Imagining a future without Hiroshi was even more torture. He could see that Hiroshi found it just as disgusting as he did.

"What do you mean?" It was obvious that Hiroshi was only asking superficially. Haruki could see that Hiroshi understood what he said well.

"I meant what I said," Haruki replied. "I would still get married to Satomi. It will happen summer, next year and by the time I get married, I will be in control of my life. I will buy you a house close enough to my house.

"I might not be able to visit you every day because although Satomi might be understanding, I would not want her to be too sad but I will try to come frequently."

Haruki could see that with every word he said, Hiroshi’s skin got paler. The man looked like he might pass out if Haruki continued speaking but he had no intention of stopping.

"So, are you willing to wait until I win against Aiichiro?"

"You said . . ." Hiroshi stopped and cleared his throat but it still sounded thick and heavy as he continued, "You said you didn’t love, right? Why should I wait then?"

"Because you said you loved me? Or did I make a mistake just like you did?" Haruki said with a small smile lifting a corner of his lips.

"No, you did not make a mistake. I love you. I love you so much it feels like I am losing my mind but not enough to be involved in an affair."

"I thought you agreed to let me keep you locked up safely for myself. A man like you shouldn’t have any other choices. Don’t you like what you got by being by my side? Why will you want to give it up for your measly male ego?"

Haruki knew he should stop.

He knew he should never have said more but he continued, "I thought you threw your ego away long ago while you fought for position on my side against my past lover." 𝒻𝓇𝑒𝘦𝘸𝑒𝒷𝓃ℴ𝑣𝘦𝑙.𝒸ℴ𝘮

"I never. . ." Hiroshi began but pressed his lips in realisation. "Maybe you’re right but I . . ." he paused unable to continue. He rose up and bowed deeply to Haruki. "I will leave now, sir."

Sir? Haruki held back the desire to scoff at that address. What was the use of the distant respectful manner of speech? A tone he never used even when they first met. It was as though they became worse than strangers.

"I guess this marks the end of our contract," Haruki said as Hiroshi got to the door.

His voice was loud enough for Hiroshi to hear but the man simply opened the door and walked without glancing back at Haruki.

The man had left without bidding farewell. Haruki sniffed as his heart pounded hard and warm tears ran down his cheeks. He reached for his handkerchief and wiped them off but it was though the more he cleaned, the wetter his cheeks got.

"Why the f*ck are you crying?" he asked himself disappointedly.