[BL] CRAVING HIM: Addicted to His Voice-Chapter 362: Holding On, Letting Go

~Zayn’s POV~

"I know I don’t deserve your time, much less your forgiveness, but I needed you to know this: every single day I was gone, a part of me knew I had made the worst mistake of my life."

Tears pricked my eyes as I looked at the man who had once been an untouchable giant in my mind, now reduced to a vulnerable patient begging for a moment of grace. The most painful part was the suffocation of it all, I wanted to scream, I wanted to let out the decade of poison rotting inside me, but I couldn’t. How do you rage at a man who is already broken? How do you punish someone who is already being hollowed out by sickness? 𝒻𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘸ℯ𝒷𝘯𝘰𝑣ℯ𝑙.𝘤𝑜𝘮

I stood there, my nails digging into my palms, watching him apologize. He pleaded for my mercy with every shaky breath, his eyes searching mine for a flicker of the boy he used to know. I gave him nothing. I stayed silent, my throat tight with a knot of unspoken fury and grief that I couldn’t untangle.

"Zayn..." he whispered, his voice trembling as something raw and desperate broke through. "I—I’ve tried to put things in order. I didn’t know what else to do." His fingers tightened weakly against the sheets. "I’ve signed everything. The companies, the estates... all of it. It will all go to you and Liana."

He swallowed hard, eyes shining. "If... if I don’t come back from that operating room tomorrow—" his voice cracked completely, "—I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving this world without at least making sure you’re both safe. That you’ll never have to struggle the way I failed to protect you."

A tear slipped down his face. "My lawyer will contact you. Not because money can fix what I broke... but because this is the only way I know how to say I’m sorry. The only thing I have left to give."

That was the spark that set the gasoline on fire. "I don’t want your property!" I snapped, the shout echoing harshly against the sterile walls. "Do you think I’m here for a payout? You worked for that legacy, you lived for it, and you abandoned us for it! Don’t you dare try to hand me a pile of cash to bury the fact that you weren’t there when we were starving!"

"Zayn, please... I’m so weak," he groaned, his head sinking back into the pillow.

"Then find strength!" I yelled, my voice cracking. "Don’t talk to me like you’re already dead! Stop thinking about the end and fight!"

"I have to talk about it," he persisted, his eyes glassy. "The main house, the cars... and my dog, Zayn. Please, take care of my pet. He’s been my only companion in that big house. Promise me you’ll take him."

I took a step back, shaking my head. "Mr. Hudson, I can’t believe this. You want to be selfish to the very end? You’re trying to dump your life and your guilt on me like it’s a chore I have to finish?" I turned toward the door, my vision blurred by hot, angry tears. "I can’t do this."

I reached for the handle, my hand trembling violently.

"Zayn," his voice came from behind me, not the voice of a businessman, but the voice of a dying man. I heard him sobbing, a raw, wet sound that made me freeze. "Please... just once. Before I go under that knife tomorrow... I would give everything I own just to hear you call me ’Father’ one last time. Not Mr. Hudson. Not him. Just... Father."

The word hung in the air, heavy and suffocating. I turned back to look at him, my lips parting. I wanted to say it. I wanted to give him that peace, but the word felt like lead in my mouth. It wouldn’t come. The years of silence were too loud. I looked at his tear-streaked face, my chest heaving, and for a second, I almost broke.

Instead, I turned and rushed out of the room, unable to breathe.

The moment the door slammed shut, I saw Evric. He was standing right there, his face full of concern. I didn’t say a word; I just threw myself into his arms, burying my face in his chest and sobbing with a violence that shook my entire frame. I held onto him like he was the only thing keeping me from falling into an abyss.

"I couldn’t do it," I choked out, the words muffled against his chest. "I couldn’t say it, Evric... it hurts so much. It hurts more than being angry."

"It’s okay," Evric murmured, his arms wrapping around me like a fortress, his hand stroking my hair as I fell apart in the hallway. "It’s okay, Zayn. I’ve got you. Just breathe."

He didn’t ask any questions or press for explanations. Instead, he waited, patiently, until my sobs faded into uneven, shuddering breaths. Then he gently took my hand and guided me away from the sterile hallway.

We walked in silence to the parking lot, where the car was already waiting. Once we were seated in the quiet shelter of the backseat, Evric spoke softly to the driver, giving a few low instructions. The driver nodded, stepped out, and opened the trunk of the car.

A short while later, the driver returned, carrying several bags from the trunk. He opened the backseat door and handed each item to Evric one by one, first the takeout, then the hospital gifts, the high-quality toiletries, a few books, and finally a beautiful, vibrant bouquet. Evric handed me a bottle of water, watching me drink until a bit of color returned to my face, then lifted the bouquet to show me.

"I thought we could bring these in for him," Evric said softly. "Brighten up that gray room a bit."

I stared at the petals, a sudden, sharp pang twisting in my chest. "Babe... please," I whispered, my voice trembling. "Can we just give him the gifts? Let’s leave out the bouquet... I’m scared. Flowers feel... like a funeral. I can’t look at them right now."

Evric immediately set them aside, his expression softening with instant understanding. "It’s okay. I understand. We’ll just take the other things."

I leaned back against the leather seat and told Evric everything, every word my father had said, from the will and the property to the dog and his desperate plea for me to call him "Father." Evric listened intently, his thumb gently tracing soothing circles on the back of my hand.

"Take your time, Zayn," he advised gently. "You don’t have to force a word that isn’t ready to come out. You have the rest of today, and tomorrow morning before the surgery. If you feel it, say it. If you don’t, he already knows you’re here, and that speaks louder than any title."

I glanced at Evric, my heart swelling with gratitude for the way he had been my steady strength through it all. Finally, I whispered, leaning in to press a soft, lingering kiss to his lips. "Okay, baby," I murmured. "Thank you... Daddy."

"Eat something now," he urged, handing me the takeout.

As I ate, the heavy silence of the car prompted me to do something I’d been dreading. I dialed my mother’s number. When she picked up, I explained everything, Hudson’s condition, the surgery, and the weight of the past years crashing down on us.

My mother was silent for a long moment. "I have nothing to say about the past, Zayn," she said, her voice calm and weary. "I only wish him a successful surgery and a smooth recovery. He reached out to his children, not to me, and that is as it should be."

"Mom, it’s so hard to let go," I admitted.

"Zayn, listen to me," she said firmly. "Don’t dwell on the past right now. Forgive him, even if it hurts. Liana already called me, and I told her the same thing. Whether he succeeded as a father or failed miserably, he is still the man who gave you life. You and Liana need to go in there and represent the children I raised. Show him that I raised you both with grace and strength. Show him that you are stronger than the abandonment you suffered."

I listened to her words, and they hit me like a splash of cold water, grounding me in my duty as her son. A sense of relief washed over me, I realized there was no reason to cling to the past. Holding onto anger wouldn’t erase the pain, nor could it change what had already happened. Taking a steady breath, I said, "I understand everything now, Mom."

She smiled softly through the line. "Good, Zayn. I believe he’ll make it through the surgery. Someone as selfish as him wouldn’t give up so easily."

I really hope so," I murmured, forcing a small, uncertain smile.

Before we hung up, Evric took the phone from me. "Hello, Mom," he said warmly.

"Evric," she said, her tone warming instantly. "Thank you... for being there. Thank you... for staying by Zayn’s side and giving him the strength he needs. I feel better knowing he has you."

"Always," Evric promised. "I’m not going anywhere."

They spoke for a few more minutes before the call ended. I felt a little more settled, the wisdom of the two most important people in my life starting to quiet the storm in my head. I was about to put my phone away when it buzzed again.

It was a text from Liana.

"I’m here," it read...