Beauty in the beast world-Chapter 330: The mistakes

"I hope you do stop him, my lady," Darcio said his words sincerely, "But I also hope that you stop yourself from losing patience. The past shouldn’t repeat once again"

As soon as Lyra understood his words, a sad smile broke out on her face. He was warning her not to harm herself as she did before. Her back stung a little when she recalled that event, "I had nothing to live for, Darcio. My husband was dead" The pain she felt when she saw his death had been too much for her to bear. She had wanted the ground to swallow her whole, to not leave any evidence of her existence for it was too lonely without her beloved by her side.

"I may not understand the extent of your grief" The older man started, "But I do understand what it must have been to your daughter to grow up without both the father and mother" Lyra’s eyes shook as he added, "My prince Demir was a grown-up when I met him, but the pain he held within himself not knowing of mother’ love was far too great that left him scared. Now think about your infant, my lady. What must have Lady Vanadey gone through? Have you ever thought about it?"

Lyra’s chest clenched painfully when she recalled her infant daughter that she had abandoned. She was too busy dwelling on her own sorrow that she failed to see how it would affect her daughter. What kind of a mother was she that she thought about herself before the small life she and her husband decided to bring into the world. It was the parents’ responsibility to take care of their child no matter the circumstance.

Just like Vanadey and Adrian took care of her even though that meant forfeiting their life. Lyra still had a hard time digesting the fact that she managed to get reborn in her own daughter’s womb. Did she really deserve such loving parents when she failed to be the same to her daughter, Vanadey? What would Blake think of her if he remembered their past life and her leaving their baby all alone? She didn’t even want to think about it. She knew him well; her sweet mate, even then, would feel sad for her instead of admonishing her. This guilt and pain was hers alone to carry, she didn’t want to burden him anymore.

"I loved my child, Darcio" That was all she could manage to say. How could she not love the child that she had by her beloved husband? But she had to admit to herself, or her soul and her conscience would always hurt her. Yes, she did love her child but more than that, she loved her husband. What she did was a desperate attempt to free herself from the pain she would have to endure without her husband by her side. She was Selfish in that regard.

"I was a mother; I had a duty towards my child, I shouldn’t have been so selfish"

Darcio sighed, "No one is perfect in this world, my lady. Don’t chide yourself so much for what happened in the past. For the past can never be changed"

"I know," Lyra nodded with a hesitant smile on her face, "I did wrong, and maybe this is my punishment, living with the truth that I abandoned my child in the past. I will have to constantly think about what I did whenever I see my children in this life. Not knowing whether I’m a good mother, constantly doubting myself....ha" A hollow laugh left her lips, "But I will try my best this time, Darcio. That much I can promise myself"

Darcio returned a sad smile, "That is more than enough, my lady." Then he returned to his composed face before asking, "What about his majesty the Snake King? Are you thinking about discussing the past with him? It doesn’t seem like he had any recollection of it"

"And I would like to keep it that way, Darcio" Lyra explained, "Blake and I met a tragedy that is better to be not said out loud. My other mates will know once I discuss it with Blake and I do not anticipate their reaction. Some of them are already insecure and wary of my relationship with Blake, and I do not wish to pour salt into that wound"

She was not so clueless but acted like that to keep the peace in her family. Her mates were formidable and respected individuals. Each of them could have gotten any woman they wished, knowing their reputation, yet they chose her, a practical stranger who came from another world. They loved her immensely, hopelessly, and devotedly. The least she could do for all of that was try to love them equally.

This scenario was already complicated enough with Blake becoming her first mate. No matter how much she tried to reassure her other mates, they seemed skeptical but hid it well, or so they thought. She knew them well. Lucas was heartbroken when he found out about her mating with Blake because it was he who met her first. Noah, although calm and collected, acted uncomfortable when she showed affection to Blake. And Victor? God that man was a pain. Her sweet boy was the most jealous because of his history of weird rivalry with Blake. As for Demir, he, on many occasions, said that he was thinking about kidnapping her away from Blake.

Killian was still mad at not meeting her first knowing that she was his soulmate. Kyrell? That adorableness was too innocent to feel jealous. As for Kaizer, she knew he was insecure about being a rootless beastman. If possible, Lyra wanted to avoid hurting her men. If keeping the past to herself was what it took to keep them happy, then that is what she will do.

"I want my mates to be happy," Lyra said, "I see I’m still a selfish woman, wanting everything to stay the same even though nothing is the same anymore"

"Change is the way of the world, my lady. We all must accept it"

"But not now, Darcio. Not when I finally managed to somehow find my happiness" The matter with Alice, her life back on earth, her pregnancy, and the weight of her past left her absolutely drained.

And Darcio seemed to understand that, "As you wish, my lady"

"Thank you," Lyra bowed, showing her gratitude. Then she turned toward the balcony where she saw the sun setting and birds returning to their nest, "I just wish this peace lasts. I desperately wish that"

"King Xavier seemed like he had other plans though, my lady" Darcio warned, "I didn’t see it with my own eyes but I could feel his rage"

"I know," Lyra remarked, "Let him rage all he wants, I will never let him take away what is mine not in this life"

"But he thinks of you as his own, that is the problem"

Lyra turned to him, "Are you still willing to help me, Darcio?"

"Always, my lady," he bowed, "I owe your father my life; he helped me when I had no one else. I served the ruler of the Fae realm, that extends to you too my lady"

Lyra blinked slowly, "Does Demir know?"

Darcio nodded, "He is the only master I chose to serve after your father’s passing; I do not hide things from him. Not unless he doesn’t ask of it"

Lyra smiled at that, "So you don’t tell unless you are explicitly asked. Is that what you are telling?"

"That is how I do things, Yes and Master Demir is not the curious type to begin with" Then he laughed, "Although that might change today, he has been too curious from the moment he met you"

Lyra pursed her lips, "Then I will not ask you to break your oath to your master but do hold back from answering questions that he do not ask. That much you can do know?"

"Yes, my lady"

Lyra nodded and then her eyes became bright with a curiousness inside them, "I always meant to ask this. How do you choose who you serve? My father and now Demir, they are completely different people"

Darcio took a moment before parting his lips, "I’m sorry, that I cannot answer, my lady"

"I guess I will never find out" Lyra chuckled.