Attention Sir, I Have Your Heart Handcuffed!-Chapter 548 - 396. Oh my God, why is this happening (2 updates 2)

Chapter 548: 396. Oh my God, why is this happening (2 updates 2)

Now looking back, that person’s way of expressing themselves was quite interesting. Sometimes he couldn’t find the exact Chinese phrasing, so he used English, and it was a very colloquial kind of English.

Back then, she was still in China, and for her, English was just a subject she had to pass in exams. She couldn’t distinguish where the English came from, let alone the nuances of its slang. But now that she had been living in M Country for many years, recalling that person’s wording brought her an epiphany: those traits today would suffice to conclude that he lived overseas.

"That person should also be in M Country, maybe even in this state. And the way he used slang... he’s somewhere not far from this town!"

Reaching this conclusion gave Shi Nian quite a fright.

Back then, coming to M Country was considered a random decision made by Dad on his deathbed, but now it seems almost fatedly strange.

She only felt her scalp tingle as she couldn’t help but wonder if among the people she knew or even those she brushed past on the street daily, there was that person?

Were the two people she once thought were so far apart now possibly so close?

Du Songlin quietly observed Shi Nian’s emotional changes and slowly said, "Back then, you only thought of this person as an online friend, a passer-by in your life. But are you only realizing now how extraordinarily important he was in your life?"

That emotional attachment, that feeling of mutual understanding, already came very close to love.

Shi Nian thought about it: "I think I can put it that way. At my age, among girls my age, reasoning was too niche; I couldn’t find a confidant. And for those three years, that person almost played the role of my soul mate."

Those three years of college life were spent in another place, and Dad wasn’t by her side, so she couldn’t talk about reasoning with him as she used to. And the appearance of that person just filled the void left by Dad being absent, subtly becoming more and more important in her heart within three years.

Du Songlin sighed gently, "If such an important person exists, how could you have forgotten them?"

Shi Nian was even more confused: "Yes, I can’t figure it out myself."

She should have only forgotten what happened after the kidnapping, but she’d known this person three years before it. And those three years of memories, except for this person, everything else she clearly remembers, so why did she automatically choose to forget the memories related to this person?

Du Songlin already had an answer in his heart.

He slowly said, "They say ’use hypnosis to erase memories,’ but that is actually a misdescription. As long as something has happened, as long as memories have been left, they can’t be erased; hypnosis merely guides you to take a detour, avoiding the memories you don’t want to touch. In fact, those memories are still well preserved in your subconscious." 𝗳𝚛𝗲𝕖𝕨𝕖𝗯𝚗𝚘𝕧𝕖𝗹.𝗰𝗼𝕞

"What you’ve forgotten are parts of the kidnapping incident, and part of that, triggered by PTSD, is already recovering with the healing of your PTSD. The remaining part is the memory you mentioned, sealed away by someone’s hypnosis. So in this process, because of the subconscious being awakened, you might also automatically choose to seal away some memories along with those hypnotized ones."

"And this person whom you had known for three years before the incident was forgotten together with the later kidnapping incident... Shi Nian, there’s only one reason to explain this phenomenon: your intuition already told you that person was actually related to what happened later, and you were unable to bear it, out of guilt, so you ’packaged’ memories of that person with the kidnapping incident and forgot them together."

Shi Nian stared stunned at Du Songlin, as if a distant thunder rolled over her head, "What did you say?"

Du Songlin wasn’t surprised, "From your previous descriptions, I know that person gave you three years of companionship, leaving you with three years of beautiful memories. So in your heart, that person’s significance might be even more important than you’d realized at the time."

"For someone like that, you certainly can’t accept the possibility they’re related to the later kidnapping case, so despite your mind floating such suspicions back then, you first denied yourself. In this ongoing cycle of suspicion—self-denial—then self-suspicion—then self-denial again, you grew tired and your thoughts muddled, and so from your subconscious, you preferred you’d never met this person and chose to forget them."

"How could this be?" Shi Nian gripped her fingertips tightly, but with her current mindset, she also understood that Du Songlin was right.

Her heart ached with bewilderment and suffocation, her eyes already brimming with tears, but she didn’t want to let them fall.

Du Songlin fully understood Shi Nian’s feelings at that moment, so he paused and asked if Shi Nian wanted to continue.

If she couldn’t handle it now, he would respect her decision, and they could stop anytime.

Shi Nian stared at the floor where a large patch of sunlight fell on the bronze-colored floor, so bright and warm, illuminating the natural patterns of the floor, putting her mind at ease.

"No, it’s okay, I can continue. Uncle Du, please go on."

Du Songlin nodded, poured a glass of water, and handed it to her: "To recall why you chose to forget him, you have to start with the details of your interactions. Shi Nian, think about it, in your process of interacting with him, are there any details that might be related to the later kidnapping case?"

Shi Nian took a deep breath, her head beginning to ache badly.

But actually, objectively speaking, recalling those details wasn’t difficult. The reason she was unwilling to remember, the reason the mere attempt to recall caused a headache, was all due to her self-blame.

She drank the water in gulps, but it seemed not to flow down her throat; instead, it surged into her eyes and then silently trickled down again.

"I remember: I once told him about all the classic cases my dad cracked."

In the era of BBS, content was king. For people to chat together, there had to be enough topics to talk about. And at that time, she was just a girl fresh into college, and all her love and understanding of reasoning came from her father’s work.

Although she carefully replaced the key elements such as people and places in the cases with virtual ones, the overall case scenario and the methods of solving them still all belonged to Dad.

Through the long three years of interaction, it was enough for her to tell him about almost all the representative cases her dad had worked on one by one.

Shi Nian held her head, "I remember now... So when later on my dad encountered a series of cases that all seemed so familiar, I subconsciously thought of that person."

"But as Uncle Du said, I really didn’t want to think that way, didn’t want to believe that person would deliberately challenge my dad. What I couldn’t forgive is that it turned out to be me who had divulged my dad’s confidential case information."

The immense grief seemed like a giant rock suspended overhead, constantly descending with a heavy pressure. She gradually felt she could hardly breathe, but she couldn’t suppress her low growl: "That’s right, I remember it all now, it’s just like that. It’s all my fault, and yet I thought that person was a special online friend. I even liked him, relied on him, and spent all my free time online talking to him, but never imagined that he was using me the whole time!"

"Maybe he already knew who I was, maybe he approached me intentionally and then patiently talked with me for three whole years just to dig into my dad’s secrets, just so that one day he could bring my dad down!"

Shi Nian slid from the lounge chair down to her knees on the ground.

"Oh heavens, it turns out I might have had online interaction with the murderer of my dad for three whole years! If he happens to be the murderer who killed my dad, then I’m practically his accomplice!"

Faced with such a painful reality, with such an unforgivable self, no wonder she chose to forget at that time.

She even wants to catch the murderer now, but it turns out she’s the accomplice herself!

Oh heavens, why is it like this?!

.

Coming out of Du Songlin’s clinic, the night was already falling, the city lights flashing.

Shi Nian’s eyes were swollen from crying, and her voice had become hoarse.

But really none of that mattered now; what she couldn’t face was herself.

--She couldn’t stop blaming herself, couldn’t forgive the mistake she’d made in the past.

Although Du Songlin comforted her by saying all this was temporarily just a presumption and speculation, and unless someday the real culprit was captured and it was clarified whether he was that person; so Du Songlin said maybe she didn’t need to blame herself like this, it might all just be a misunderstanding.

But in her heart, there was a cold voice telling her: everything is like that.

As she walked out from Du Songlin’s clinic, seeing her reflection in the big glass, she couldn’t help but want to sarcastically ask: oh heavens, how can you still be alive today?

Dad is dead, Mom went mad, it’s all your fault!

Standing at the clinic door, she suddenly only felt the vastness of the world, and she didn’t even know where to go.

Like this, with her work, love, family, what is she even worthy of having?

She stumbled towards the street, in the vast world, unable to distinguish between the sea of people or the flow of cars.