A New Life In The Beast World-Chapter 119: Unwanted Thoughts (1)

"Do you have any more questions?" Liz asked, making Serena open her eyes once more.

"No... I think I’ve asked enough questions for today." Serena mused, flopping down on her back. She gazed up at the white ceiling of her subspace for a moment before she added, "Now I just want to rest..."

But despite saying that, Serena didn’t make a move to return to the real world. She didn’t feel ready to face it. Not after everything...

She needed time to herself. Time to think over everything. To figure out what she truly wanted.

Serena suddenly felt something heavy on her stomach and lifted her head slightly to see a small kitten laying on her stomach . She lowered her head once more and brought a hand up to stroke Liz’s flank, making it purr.

"Liz, how long do you think I can stay here?" Serena suddenly asked as she stared at the white ceiling.

"I guess forever, but eventually you’ll need to return to the real world." Liz mused. "You don’t have much water... among other things."

"I see..." Serena murmured, closing her eyes.

Time stopped outside her subspace, meaning she could get some time away from it all. Something she realized she needed. A break from everything.

Thoughts continued to spiral in her mind as she went over everything, but eventually the gnawing exhaustion in the back of her mind began to win. She was used to going without sleep for days.

But being here had made sleeping so normal Serena realized. She didn’t have to worry about being attacked or something going wrong. It was peaceful.

And made her question if she really wanted to go back to that. Revenge against Mark would be great, but what would she do after that... Go back to all the fighting, being used as a pawn, a tool.

Her motivation was beginning to waiver and it scared Serena. She wanted revenge. There was just one word questioning it all - but. A doubt that creeped into her, perhaps because of her chat with Liz.

Serena groaned in annoyance which made Liz ask, "Something wrong?"

"It’s nothing..." Serena answered automatically. "Just thinking."

"About what?" Liz questioned.

"Life I guess..." Serena sighed. "What I’m going to do."

"Well living happily is a good start." Liz mused. "One with no regrets this time."

Serena stayed silent at her words, not sure what to say to that. It just seemed too optimistic for her. Everyone always had regrets, some more than others. But it was all the same at the end.

Her thoughts grew darker, but soon enough exhaustion won over and she fell asleep.

***

Serena opened her eyes to find herself sitting in pitch black darkness. Confusion spread through her as she wondered where she was. She remembered falling asleep in her subspace.

Had something happened? She slowly stood up, arms moving around her, only to grab air. When it was clear there was nothing around her, she gingerly took a step forward.

Only to find her legs wouldn’t move.

She tried tugging forward as the once solid ground turned almost muddy feeling. Like she was in some kind of bog. The thought sent a chill down her spine and she doubled her efforts.

She needed to get out!

But no matter what she did, she just kept sinking further and further into the bog. The smell of iron filled her nose and she had to resist the urge to gag. She was all too familiar with that smell.

"Look at the street rat trying to crawl its way out of filth." A voice suddenly echoed around her. She still couldn’t see anything and couldn’t place where the voice was coming from. "You should just give up and stop trying to fight."

Serena bit her lip, drawing blood at the sudden words. The voice sounded all too familiar, but she chose not to give it a face. She couldn’t give up. She needed to get out. There were things she still needed to do...

She wanted to live!

"Why do you want to keep living?" The voice questioned. "Why keep struggling? Wouldn’t it be better to just let everything go? Make the pain stop."

It would be nice to just erase all the pain, but Serena feared death. She feared what waited for her once she died. What kind of torment was waiting for her for all her crimes?

Liz could say what it wanted, but Serena knew the truth deep down. She was unredeemable. Someone who couldn’t make up for her mistakes no matter what.

Perhaps it was just better to let go of everything... Pay for everything. Then she could be at true peace.

Instead of what she had now - a fake sense of peace she knew would break one day. It was why she could never be still. Because the moment she let her guard down it was all going to come crashing down.

Letting go... It was the easier option. Even if she feared death.

"Yes... Forsake it all." The voice goaded her. "Remember what you are. That you’ll never know peace because of it. You must pay for overreaching."

Monster.

Villain.

Sinner.

They echoed all around her, becoming louder and louder with each taunt, making her ears ring. She wanted to cover her ears, but now her arms wouldn’t move. She was stuck in place, getting dragged further down.

Her nose was overwhelmed with a foul stench and it took everything inside Serena to not hurl. She wanted to struggle, but eventually realized there was no point.

Instead, she just closed her eyes and stopped struggling, allowing herself to get pulled in. She let it drag her down until it was over her head, filling her nose and mouth so much that she was choking. Something thick stopping all the air from entering her lungs.

Her body struggled for air, fighting on instinct to get back up. But Serena didn’t have any fight left in her. She let herself drown, and soon she lost consciousness.