Zethar;

"I started noticing it. Every time. Every single time he needed something... it was you."

When I turn back to look at him, I find that he’s watching me, so I smile and look away again. I can’t hold his gaze and say this at the same time. I don’t have the guts to.

"I started wondering why it was never me," I confess, and shut my eyes in shame.

The words feel ugly in my mouth. Bitter, but cruelly true.

"I’m there. I’m always there. And still—" I stop. My fingers curl at my sides as my throat tightens.

"Still, it’s like I don’t exist." I breathe, and silence wraps around us. Around me.

Heavy and suffocating. Like the guilt and shame currently strangling me.

"I don’t feel him. Not the way you do... Not the way you and Koda do." I say, quieter now, as my fists curl so tight my nails start digging into my palm.

"Even with the bond... I feel like an outsider. I feel like... nothing." I add with another small laugh as I look up at Zephan, and he’s watching me in silence.

"I feel his strain. His discomfort. His imbalance... But not... truly him. Never him. And I hate it." I add, and Zephan just blinks at me.

"...I hate that I started wanting it, Zephan. I wanted to care about my presence, I wanted him to know that he could count on me, I wanted him to reach for me too... I didn’t plan it."

"I didn’t want it. But it happened."My voice tightens again, with frustration bleeding through.

"And now I’m here, feeling things I shouldn’t feel, for someone who doesn’t need me."

The room feels smaller. Like the walls are closing in, so I shut my eyes as I let myself break open in front of my brother.

"And that’s not even the worst part," I add with yet another dry laugh as I look up at him, and I see confusion and curiosity in his eyes.

"What... is the worst part?" He questions softly, and at the thought of it, my heart breaks.

"Caring for him as I do reminds me of Maruck," I whisper, as I fix my gaze on the ground and at the mere thought and mention of Maruck, I feel my heart break afresh.

"I lost him," I whisper as I feel my vision blur.

"Aside from family, Maruck was the one person I truly let in... and I lost him." My hands tremble, and as I look up at Zephan this time, a tear escapes.

"We both know Maruck is not the only one. Every... lover, every friend... everyone I ever loved... I end up losing one way or another. All I have is my family now." I say with a small smile, and Zephan turns fully to face me.

"I told myself that was enough," I continue. "That what I have with you... with all of you... is enough."I add with a smile and a scoff before I look away.

It should have been. It should be. But no!

"Now... I’m doing it again. It’s an irritating realisation that I’m getting attached to someone I shouldn’t." I drop the real truth as I hold my brother’s gaze.

There is nothing left to hide. He knows the truth now.

"I don’t want this," I admit.

"I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to need something I can’t have." I add with my voice being embarrassingly messier now.

"I don’t want to stand there and feel like I’m second. Or third. Or nothing."

My chest feels tight. Too tight. But for once in my life, I need to be honest. So, I will be honest, no matter how much it takes from me to admit it.

"I don’t want to keep loving people and being—" I stop.

I turn away from my brother and take a breath as if the courage to speak these words is in the air.

"I don’t want to keep loving people and being useless. It’s painful to see. Painful to feel... And even more painful to admit. Everyone can survive without me... Yet, without you all... I feel like I might die. That’s why I’m leaving. That’s why I’m running. I can’t stand to face it any longer. I’m wanted... I’m not needed."

Silence follows. Painful, shameful silence.

I don’t dare look at Zephan. Not after I just laid myself bare like a weakling before him.

I expect him to argue. To correct me.

...To say that I’m wrong and I am needed, but he doesn’t.

Instead, from the corner of my eye, I see him move towards me, and before I can react, he closes the distance between us and pulls me into him.

Into a tight embrace.

I freeze.

For a second, I think about pulling away.

But I don’t. I can’t. I need this.

So, I let it happen.

My hands hover at my sides before I finally let them settle against him. Equally pulling him into me.

Finally, and all of a sudden, it feels like I am finally being held. Protected from falling apart.

I feel his breath against my neck and slowly... he shifts.

I feel it before I see it.

The change.

The familiar pull as he shifts out of his man form completely... Reshaping and lengthening into his serpent form.

Blue scales replace skin, and a small smile splits my face as he coils around me.

Careful, but deliberate.

The way he has always held me in times of need. The way I hope he always will.

I don’t hesitate before letting go as well.

I follow suit. Darkness replaces my skin, and black scales slide over bone.

I shift, letting my instincts take over, as I coil back around him.

We wrap around each other. Like we used to as boys. Before everything else complicated it. Before any of this mattered.

Our bond quiets.

And then... his voice bleeds into my mind.

I need you.

Something in my chest shifts as I hear the words, and I shut my eyes as we lower slowly to the ground.

You have never been useless to me.

He adds, and I shut my eyes tighter as a tear escapes them.