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... merly known as Bart, my current name is too weird to spell it out. While I’m obviously capable of doing that, you, my fellow earthlings, would never be able to do the same. What? Earthlings? Let me explain everything from scratch.

Just yesterday, I was your typical Murican teenager. You know what that means, right? Waking up in the Murican dream, eating sweet pancakes first thing in the morning, going to school... What could go wrong?

Here is where you are mistaken. Apparently, G ...

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