Future News: My Phone Mutated - Chapter 229 - The Banquet

I am merely a reviewer, albeit the products I review are slightly different. For example, I review quantum computers, artificial intelligence, anti-gravity mech armor, planetary engines, sublight colonial ships, stellar detonators, etc…

An eternal prison, a soulless body, a sealed spirit, everything lost.

To resign before merciless fate, or to become destiny!

“I lived in an illusion, I was lost, I could not find my home, I did not have a home… but why does it matter?! Between bowing to the threat of death and a spine that would never bend, I will choose the latter!”

- Description from Novelupdates

Finn, your average college student with one noble goal: get home and watch some quality adult content in peace. Tragically, fate had other plans. A truck barreled toward him… then stopped halfway. The driver locked eyes with Finn—and hit him anyway.Now he’s dead.Wakes up in some divine waiting room. Gets mocked by a sarcastic, busty goddess. Gets offered the most useless powers imaginable.And worst of all? Still no porn.Frustrated beyond mortal comprehension, Finn throws an epic tantrum and drags the goddess down into the fantasy world with him. Now stuck in a realm full of grotesque monsters, cursed towns, and suspiciously moist terrain, Finn has no idea what he’s doing. No clue. No dignity. Suffering most of the time.With zero powers, infinite horniness, and one very angry divine companion, can Finn survive this absurd new world?Can he dodge death, outwit demonic squirrels, and maybe—just maybe—score a waifu?Or will he die in this world too…still painfully uncuddled?Let the absurd isekai disaster begin.[WARNING: THIS BOOK IS UNHINGED. DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE TO ANYTHING—IT’S ALL FOR COMEDIC PURPOSES. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.]

In a world where life energy fuels martial prowess, Shen Yifan, with a mere mortal lifespan of a hundred years, finds solace in slaying demons to extend his own vitality. Amidst the chaos of a realm teeming with malevolence, he brandishes his blade, striking terror into the hearts of creatures who have roamed the earth for centuries! Yet, amidst his valiant exploits, Shen Yifan sometimes ponders, why does his lifespan seem to dwindle faster with each use of his powers? Sheathing his sword, he gazes skyward, hearing tales of the divine palace in the heavens, where immortal beings dwell, having weathered endless eons. Embarking on a celestial journey, he seeks to beseech the gods for a loan of a million years, to pave his path towards eternal life.