Dual Cultivation God Returns - Chapter 71: Leaving the Imperial Capital

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On the first day of school, Wei Ru Song accidentally fell in front of Xiao Nian’s dick. With his girlfriend witnessing this incident and thinking that he was giving another man a blowjob, this led to a series of misunderstandings.

WRS : I’m not gay I’m not gay I’m not gayyyyyyyyyyyy!

XN : Neither am I.

WRS : Seems like we need to come up with a scheme to clear our names now.

XN : Ok.

So…

Counselor : I saw you and that junior doing it in the grass, *cough*, kiddo, please take note and be a bad influence.

WRS : No we just fell accidentally…

Neighbour : Wei Ru Song can you be quieter in bed? We couldn’t sleep the entire night.

WRS : No that was just Xiao Nian giving me a massage ahh…

Gym Teacher : You guys know what you did in the equipment room, go clean the mats!

WRS : Noooooooo that was just the milk I spilt!!!

Finally,

XN : Senior

WRS : Yeah?

XN : Since they already think we’re gay, why don’t we just let this work itself out.

WRS : … Just what I was thinking.

[More funny than happy + metaphysics slap in the face + entertainment circle + 1v1 Shuangjie]

The doomsday boss of Taoism caught up with the last train to wear books and became a fake daughter of abusive literature. At the beginning, she avoided all kinds of people with evil intentions, but learned that she was a last-class citizen and would be repatriated by the empire at any time?

Qu Jian’er can only resume her old career and open the door to a new world. The left hand grasps variety shows and acting (earning small money), and the right hand scientifically preaches and solves doubts (earning big money).

Next to her booth, there is often a holographic projection super-large loudspeaker, which plays in a 360° loop without dead ends:

10% off life-saving emblem,

More cost-effective recharge discounts;

Buy one get one free on the Pure Heart and Tranquility Talisman,

New customers sell and buy instant discount of 3 yuan.

There are also evil obstacle purifiers, aura locators, resentment detectors, soul body translators, mecha blessing cards… waiting for you to snap up!

When she became a hot search again, most people ridiculed and sneered.

Top-ranking directors, well-known film stars, big traffic stars, business crocodiles, wealthy presidents, and empire bosses all came here admiringly: “Boss, help!”

There is a gentleman in the capital of the main star of the empire. It is rumored that he is very wise and close to demons, moody, insidious, cunning, and ascetic.

One day, this master confessed under the camera of the All-Star Live broadcast: “I checked today’s calendar, except for loving you~ all things, no, appropriate.”

Since then, the silence of most people has been “deafening”.

- Description from novelbuddy

The world ended in 2012. Hao Xuan was transported to a new realm along with the rest of humanity. The novel follows his adventures through this vast new plane, fighting men and beasts alike, making friends, finding love, and etching out his own existence in the boundless universe all the while trying to unravel an insidious plot that he has unwittingly become a part of.Romance, humor, friendship, betrayal, loss, schemes, light, and darkness.All the creatures from your dreams, stories, and movies are real in this absurdly wonderous world.TLDR: A Xuanhuan Eastern High fantasy novel centered around a displaced teen from earth in a world of cultivators, mythical monsters, Archaic Demons, and Old Gods.Tags: Magic, Adventure, Cultivation, Martial Arts, XianXia, Romance, Futuristic, Story Buildup, Demons and Gods, Gore and Violence, Armies, Kingdom Building, mystery, exploration, sci-fi, Mech, World Jumping.Official Discord (contains all new reference images): https://discord.gg/AHdSBFQPatreon with the first 8 Privileged Chapters among other benefits: https://www.patreon.com/shinigami8671

Isabella was supposed to be sipping champagne at a luxury spa, not waking up in the middle of a forest. Worse, a SYSTEM had attached itself to her like some clingy ex, spouting nonsense about survival, quests, and—oh, hell no—manual labor.“System, I was NOT built for the wilderness! My ideal ‘roughing it’ experience involves a five-star hotel with bad WiFi!”Now, instead of lounging in silk robes, she’s being ordered to farm? To hunt?“A farming quest? You want me—a city girl—to grow food? System, I once killed a cactus by overwatering it. This is NOT my calling!”And don’t even get her started on the hygiene situation.“You want me to bathe in a cold river? Darling, I require warm water, scented oils, and an ambience! What do I look like—some barbarian?!”Unfortunately, the locals—big, muscular beastmen—don’t seem to understand the concept of self-care. The women? Neglecting their skin like it’s a crime to be radiant. The men? Walking hygiene disasters.“Ladies, if your man can smell you before he sees you, we have a problem.”“You see this? This is lotion. It exists so you don’t look like a dried-up leaf. Use it.”“A beard should be majestic, not tragic. Let me fix it.”And the beastmen? They don’t just stare at her like she’s an oddity. No, they hover. They smirk. They lean in too close, fangs flashing with amusement.“Why do you keep looking at me like that?” she huffed, crossing her arms.The panther grinned, his tail flicking. “Because you’re fascinating when you’re annoyed.”No, absolutely not. She was not here for this nonsense.“If you have time to stare, you have time to moisturize.”She didn’t ask to be here. She didn’t ask to be their savior. But if she has to suffer through this world, she’s making everyone around her suffer less—through skincare, style, and some serious attitude.“If I hear one more ‘We don’t season our food here,’ I’m launching a war.”“If you have time to gossip, you have time to do squats.”“You want to impress a woman? Start with not smelling like the battlefield.”Survival isn’t just about fighting monsters; it’s about looking good while doing it. So what if the System keeps throwing impossible quests her way?“What do you mean ‘you can’t skip quests’?! Since when?! Where is the skip button?! I demand a skip button!”But somewhere between dodging ridiculous quests and fixing these people’s tragic grooming habits, Isabella found herself in situations. Uncomfortable, heart-racing situations.Like being trapped against a tree by the red python, his red eyes half-lidded as he murmured, “You talk too much, little star. Should I silence you?”Like waking up with the lion lord’s fur-lined cloak draped over her shoulders, his deep voice gruff, “You shiver in your sleep. I’ll fix that.”Like the phoenix watching her every move, his burning gaze searing into her skin as he mused,“You cause chaos wherever you go, but I find that I don’t mind.”Oh, hell. No. She was not about to fall for four beastmen. She was too pretty for this much stress.“If you insult me again, I’ll make sure your soul needs a beauty upgrade.”“I refuse to be disrespected by anyone who dresses like an unwashed tree branch.”And yet, when a rival tribe came to challenge her, when danger lurked too close, those same beastmen stood beside her—smirking, taunting, fighting for her.“A beastman growled at me today. I growled back. He ran. I am the alpha now.”Isabella isn’t just surviving. She’s thriving. And this world better keep up.